I Lost My Best Friend

Exactly a month ago, on December 1st, 2014, my best friend left me. Gintaro, my Irish Wolfhound, my family member, my friend, and my pet, passed away. It has honestly been one of the hardest things i think i have ever had to go through. There isn't a single day that goes by where i dont think of him, and every time i go out to the farm, i am always expecting him to greet me at the door. I know he is there in spirit, i just wish i could see him again, and run my fingers through his fur. I never thought how much i could miss him, i knew the day would come where he had to say goodbye, i just never thought he would only be 6 when it was his time, i never thought that he would die from a sickness, i wanted him to grow old and be healthy for his whole life and not have to be in pain. I wanted him to always be there for me when i needed him for absolutely anything. I may sound selfish, but on his day of passing, that was the last thing i was.
He had pneumonia, it was the second time he had it, and this time it was much much worse than the first time. We thought keeping him at home was the best thing for him, instead of spending another week at the vet. He was drinking lots, and he was eating. The next day, he would still eat some, and still drink lots, we got him meds. The week went by and it got worse and worse. We were preparing ourselves for the worst, i made sure to come out everyday to spend time with him, and on the weekend i got to watch them as my parents went out of town, he slept by my side for those 3 nights, and i knew he loved it, probably reminded him of when i lived at home. I didn't get much sleep those nights as his raspy breathing kept me up. But i honestly didn't mind, i liked having him in the room with me.

Gintaro. Spring of 2011

Sunday rolls around and my parents get home, i go back to my house in town and the next morning my mom texts me to see if i can leave work early to take Gintaro to the vet, they want to see if they can do anything for him, and if not, then they will be putting him to sleep. I agree, i take it off early, and i am to meet my mom and sister in Kindersley. 45 minutes away from Luseland. I pick my brother up from school and we head out to the farm to pick Gintaro up. He is very excited to be able to go for a ride, as that was his favorite thing ever. especially in my van! He has a hard time getting in as he is so weak, i help him out and make sure his area is all comfy, and i tell him that he is a good boy. We head out, and he wants to come in the front, have to tell him no and to sit or lie down, i noticed his tongue was blue again, as it was the night before.. i was driving a little slower so it was so rough on him, until we go to the highway. He sits, so i pay attention to the road, i ask my brother how he is doing and he says that he is lying down, i turn my head and see he is lying weird and twisted so i slow a bit more down, and i ask him if he is breathing, he says yes, but making weird sounds too. (my brother is 13.) i stop, and pull over, and i get out. open the back door and check on him, he is barely breathing, but his heart is still beating hard. so i get in the back and put his head on my lap and try and get his body a certain way so it would open his airway. i pat on his chest to see if that would do anything, i also ask for my phone so i can call my mom. I get ahold of her and i tell her that i don't think he is going to make it, and i explain what is happening. she tells me to take him to dad's work to see if he can help. i hang up, and sit a few more seconds with him, stroking his fur, telling him he is a good boy, i hear him take a breath of air, and i check his heart. It was no longer beating.. i put his head back down and shut the door, i get in and keep driving to town. the farm is 5 mins from luseland.. i was about 3 minutes away from town.. i knew what happened. i did not know what to say to my brother, i didn't know what to say to anyone.. i am pulling into my dads workplace and i turn to my brother, and i tell him that Gintaro didn't make it, he was too sick. He starts crying, and i try and hold myself together. i put my van in park and i go and get my dad. He comes out, and i tell him that he didn't make it. I open the back door for him to make sure he is gone, just in case. He is, so i ask if he can help me to get him in a more comfy position so he doesn't look so bad. We do that, and he asks me if i still want to take Gintaro to kindersley, i say yes as i would do anything for that dog. and my brother wants to come with me. My dad tells me to drive safe, and that he is sorry we have to do that. We pull out of the lot, and i call my mom to tell her the bad news. She picks up and i say he didnt make it while im crying, and i tell her we are still coming to bring him there. and that i would call her when we get to kindersley. I know i upset her, but i didn't just want to show up with him, and having her expecting him to be ok.
The ride to kindersley was the longest, quietest, drive i have ever had. Neither of us spoke, and the entire trip i expected Gintaro to just get up and be ok, and be himself and no longer be sick. That didn't happen.
We get to kindersley and i call to say we will be there right away, they are already there. We get to the vets, and they tell us to pull around back so that we can unload him. After i do that i put it in park, and my mom opens the back door, she helps Glenda, (the one vet) to make sure he is good to move, and then Andrew (the other vet) shows up and instantly starts to help. Glenda asks if we want to keep the collar or keep it with him. I say i would really like to keep it, as i bought it just for him years ago. they take his collar off, and set it on one of my seats. and make sure he is all the way on the blanket he was lying on. and they carry him out and into a building, once we are in the building, they set him down in a spot where we can all say goodbye. My mom goes to his head and pets his fur, i pet his chest and belly, i know its the last time i will ever see him, and pet him, he is still warm. We take our time with him, we all gave him one last pet and we share some of our memories we have of him. I did not want to leave his side, i would have stayed there forever. After we are finished we go up to the front and figure out what we want to do, we decide to get him cremated, but for us to find our own special box to put him in. It would take 3-4 weeks before he could come home again. He wouldn't be home in time for Christmas. We leave the vet's and say thanks a bunch of times. We get outside and my mom tells me that Andrew wasn't even working today, he wanted to make sure we were all okay and to say goodbye to Gintaro as well, so he drove into town for us. That made us feel awesome, to know our dogs have impacted others as well.

Gintaro, after a good brush! 2014

Days pass, and weeks pass. It was weird not seeing him when i went out to the farm, it was weird not hearing him whine his happy whines, and paw the gate when i was there. It was strange not having the food cupboard being broke into on a daily basis. And it really sucked not having my dog there to greet me at the door, and barking at me to give him attention, or just sitting with him and watching tv. It really sucked. I have gone through the time of losing a dog, and rehoming dogs. But none of that measured up to losing Gintaro. It all sucks, but i think the worst part was he was my dog, he was my boy, he was my Taro. I was always told to make an attachment to the dogs that would be staying around, Gintaro would always be here because we made a promise to Barbara, his breeder, that we were his forever home, he would never be with anyone except us. I was with him the very first night he got here from Poland, my dad had to go to the hospital to see his mom, and my mom was there too. my brother and sister were at my other grandmas, and i was home to watch the dogs. so when my dad got home with Gintaro that night, he told me to watch him and that they would be back tomorrow sometime. I took Gintaro to my room in the basement with me and made him a little bed beside mine. He slept there all night, he didn't wake me up, and he had no accidents. i was impressed. I guess from day 1 we have always had a bond, he was always excited to see me when i got home from school, and when i moved out, he was always excited to see me when i came to visit. He slept with me every night when i lived at home, and i was always by his side when he was sick. I know that he was happy up until the very last moment, the very last beat of his heart, the very last breath he took, i knew he was happy, because he had me by his side the entire time. I am very glad that he died doing something he absolutely loved with the person he loved most. I am very happy that i got to be there in his final moments to make sure he was okay, and that he wasn't scared.

Gintaro and I, in regional for Junior Handling. We got first! 2012 

I miss you Gintaro, I always will, every time i look at your pictures, or watch your videos, or even think of the great memories that i had with you.
He may be just a dog, but he was my dog. my friend. my Taro. and my boo. And I loved him.

My Taro, Fall of 2013.